When you just can't stomach the BS anymore.

Smelly Saboteur

It stinks if you only eat asparagus, boiled eggs, cooked cabbage and canned tuna.

Really, it stinks!

One day someone will remake the Alfred Hitchcock movie Saboteur, but it will be turned into the story of a woman who’s on the run after the bathroom at the 24Hour fitness, where she practically lives, explodes because she stayed in phase one of her diet too long. While on the lamb, she can’t get a decent cup of broth and resorts to eating out of vending machines. A trail of empty Frito bags and Snickers wrappers eventually leads authorities to her hide out; a motel off an expressway where she’s been having a clandestine relationship with a pizza delivery guy for six months. Trapped inside her room because she now weighs 400 pounds, the fire department is called to knock down a wall so a crane can lift her onto the tractor-trailer that will haul her downtown.

Not wanting to be approached for the role, we have embarked on a bit of a mission. Last week, Jade couldn’t stand or sit without howling after breaking in her new elliptical. Beth Ann baked five batches of breakfast cookies and walked around her apartment complex trying to share them with her neighbors until she scared some children and decided to freeze the cookies instead. 

Max, well, Max lost eight and a half pounds drinking only smartwater – he thinks he’ll run into Jennifer Aniston in the water aisle – and eating soup. 

8 1/2 pounds!?! wtf ATF! Granny, get the guns! We’re not claiming you’ll lose weight, or that you’ll run into Jennifer Aniston; she has people who get her smartwater. Just try this super supper soup and see if it keeps you from sabotaging your own diet. 


1 large onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
2 tbsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. ground cumin
3 1/2 cups low sodium V8 juice
1 small green pepper, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
2 cans (about 15 ounces each) red kidney or your favorite beans, rinsed and drained
2 quarts water
salt and pepper to taste 


Combine all ingredients in a large pot. Cook over medium-high heat and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook until the vegetables are tender. Eat as much as you want, add any other chopped vegetables you want and keep adding water or vegetable juice as necessary until it’s all gone. If you can’t live without meat, try ground turkey or shredded chicken, but cook it BEFORE adding to soup.


What's it gonna be? The chicken or the chicken?

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