When you just can't stomach the BS anymore.

Who You Callin’ Chicken?

This aint no food blog, but in honor of Mother’s Day we thought we’d share a recipe and give readers a chance to join us for a little game we like to call Blog Your Ass Off.

Since the Pet Poetry Slam did so well sucked big time – only Jade’s boyfriend participated – we decided a little weight loss challenge might be in order to get readers interested in something besides stalking us.

Want to drop the baby fat now that your kid is graduating high school? Can’t suck in the gut enough to get into that speedo? Dude, what the hell, don’t wear the speedo.

This is where you can do it with the support of losers Jade, Max and Beth Ann. Bitching and complaining about how sore and hungry they are updates on their progress will be posted each week along with a new recipe. So, don’t be chicken, share your own weight loss goals, join us in our twenty-sixth futile quest to get those buns of steel or just torment us with descriptions of the stuff you had for dinner.

Mother always told you to eat a healthy breakfast. Recipe #1, modified from The 17 Day Diet Cookbook , is a tasty way to start the day. Ingredients are a little pricey, but once you have them on hand….just buy the damn ingredients and make these awesome cookies. Don’t ask us about substituting ingredients for allergies. We’re not professional chefs or doctors. C=cup T=tablespoon t=teaspoon for the knuckleheads non-cookers.


1 C unsweetened applesauce
2 T almond paste
1/4 C flaxseed oil
10 packets of Truvia
1/4 C agave nectar
1 large egg
1/2 t vanilla
3/4 C whole wheat flour
1/2 t baking SODA
1 T cinnamon
1/2 t salt
1/4 t black pepper
1/2 C vanilla whey powder
2 C oats
1 C dried cherries
1/2 C slivered almonds

Use parchment paper instead of oiling baking sheets.


Preheat oven to 350. Beat together applesauce, almond paste, flaxseed oil, Truvia and agave nectar. Beat in egg and vanilla. Mix well. Add flour, baking SODA, cinnamon, salt, pepper, and whey powder. Beat thoroughly. Stir in oats, cherries and almonds. Mix well.

Drop batter by large tablespoons onto cookie sheet. Dough should be divided into 18 cookies. Flatten each cookie with the back of a spoon. Bake 16 minutes or until brown. Don’t overcook or you’ll have hockey pucks instead of cookies. Remove from oven, cool and store. Enjoy a cookie each day for breakfast.

When they’re gone, cry like a baby make more.



What's it gonna be? The chicken or the chicken?

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