When you just can't stomach the BS anymore.
Don’t like your kid’s music, friends, clothes, piercings, attitude, sleep schedule, tattoos and general childish behavior? Feel like you’re texting to a brick wall? Tired of being eaten out of house & mini-van? What the hell did you expect?
When you’re at your wit’s end, all you need to remember is that parenting headaches can be prevented with baby aspirin. Yeah, that’s right. A baby aspirin held tightly between the knees could have prevented you from getting pregnant in the first place.
Look on the bright side, one day your kids will have to deal with fact that you spent all of your disposable income buying stuff on Craig’s List instead of saving for retirement. Don’t even try it; you can only blame Uncle Fuzzy’s bad investment advice for so long.
So not only will your kids get shafted when you bite the big one, they’ll have to let you live in their basement for who knows how long. Before that happens, here are five tips you should write down. No really, grab your iPhone, iPad, netbook, laptop, Blackberry or park your ass in front of your PC and compose an email to yourself with these tips.
Do it because you won’t remember them by the time all of your stuff has been given to charity and your kid moves you into your new “apartment” with the open concept laundry/exercise/storage living area plus semi-private bath.
Now that you’ve keyed these tips into your device of choice, smack yourself in the head and say, “Damn it, I could have just copied and pasted that shit.” Fill bowl with gummy bears. Add alcohol of your choice. Refrigerate for one hour. Gummy bears will absorb alcohol. Remove & eat gummy bears & call it a day. Laugh, it will all be over soon enough!